Posts

Our sanctuary

-
A very few of us have been lucky enough to have had a perfect life. Most of us have had to deal with some loss, or live in an environment, which was difficult in some way. Some of us have faced this as children, when we were not mature enough to deal with these situations in a clever way. In our eternal quest to survive, we created our personal sanctuaries to protect ourselves from these difficult situations or memories. Some of us found peace in literature, performing arts or competitive sports. Some turned to alcoholism and substance abuse. Some became social workers, some others became bullies or tyrants. Protected in this space, we have tried to concentrate the energy that we have missed - be it peace, power or love. From a very young age, I found my sanctuary in fantasy. I built an imaginary world around me, where I was loved unconditionally, because feeling loved is what I have missed consciously and subconsciously throughout my growing age. In my make-believe world, I am loved t...
1 comment
Read more

Why

-
Why, they asked him.  There's no reason, he replied. You'll be hurt, they cautioned. This is not about me, he replied.  She has endured more than she should have needed to. Someone had to put it right. Someone had to look after her. And he'd be the love she needed until she could find the love she wanted. Why? Some decisions do not need reasons. Some things are simply the correct things to do.
Post a Comment
Read more

Emptyness

-
One day my sane me will revolt against my dreamer me and ask, 'Why do you create emptyness when there is none?'. My dreamer me will have to answer, does an artificial vacuum propel us forward, or suck us into destruction? How much is it worth to change yourself for an empty dream? A thousand questions, but the dream throws back a blank stare from the cold distance. A thousand doubts, but the diary stays silent. Why speak then, when no one listens? Why create a vacuum, when nothing comes in? Let the sane me lead me to my normal destiny. Let music and the rush of wind sing a lullaby to my dreamer me. Words, it's a cold winter night. Time to hibernate!
Post a Comment
Read more

Untitled

-
Something is not true about this - otherwise why are we so scared to show it off? Am I just building sand castles and trying to pretend to myself that it's real? Why does the distance feel so terrible - why am I scared to let go for even a moment? Why do I feel this emptiness when I'm not chasing happiness? "Out of sight, out of mind" - that's me for everyone except the ones I deeply care about. Is it is same for you too? Will you miss me if I'm late or gone, or nothing will change, just like it didn't for so many of them? Do you miss me in your sorrow? Do you miss me the same in your happiness too? I struggle to understand, and believe - because there is so less tangible between us! I created a dream to escape a death trap - then why do I feel so entangled? Can emptiness be so suffocating - or is it me desire to shape the emptiness to something beautiful? ------------ A last bus - and a tired girl - and seats full of nosy people. He takes her to t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Random thoughts of a wannabe time-traveler

-
Is a 'universe' just a moment in the 'time' dimension, just like a 'surface' is a plane in three dimensions? Does that mean our past, present and future exist together as countless universes, but as a species that cannot traverse the time dimension (yet), we are stuck inside this universe, just like 2D objects are stuck on the surface they were created on? Length, breadth and height are 'distances' in the 3 dimensions. Is 'time' just a similar 'distance' in the 4th dimension?  Various forces, like gravity, help or oppose us in easily traversing the 3 dimensions. What force is it then that keeps us from traversing the 4th dimension of time? Gravity, while opposing our travel in the upward or positive height direction, helps us in the downward or negative height direction. Does this unknown force in the 4 dimensional world also helps in one direction through time but opposes the other? Which way is easier then, towards the future, or ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nameless

-
"What kind of a relationship do you want with her?" she asked. "That's a difficult one," he replied. "I want to be a reason for her happiness, the song in her voice, the dance in her steps. Be someone who shows her the good counterpart of everything bad she has experienced. Someone who doesn't come to her with any rules, bonds or expectations. Someone who doesn't try bind her with ties that she's afraid of.  Someone to make her realise, that love can exist even in the absense of norms, rituals, gifts, or proximity. Someone to show her that there can be closeness even across an insurmountable distance. Someone who can be everything she needs, even while being invisible to the eyes of outsiders. What do you call that relationship?" "Nameless, maybe?" she replied. "Then nameless let it be!" he said. "But..." "Yes, 'nameless' can exist in spite of all the 'but's!"
Post a Comment
Read more

When words are powerless

-
One day it had seemed that I could heal you with my words. Positivism - I could bring it in loads, and it would wash the darkness away. And just like me, you would be reborn, from the ashes of the past. But is it really so easy? Do words make any difference to someone who's haunted everyday by demons of not only the past, but even of the dreaded future? I wish I could stand beside you, hold your hand, and could transfer you light and happiness just like in that movie. But here I am, with nothing but distance and a bunch of words, trying to bring back the 'you' that I had pictured in my mind. The cold wind blows the words away, and I'm left in despair. What else do I have? What else can I do to bring back those days of sunshine - those eyes sparkling with joy and hope, that wonderful heart thanking a humble vendor for a simple breakfast, those feet dancing to the tune of a fountain? I thought words are powerful, then why do I feel so helpless now? Give me you...
Post a Comment
Read more

Do Not Quit

-
DO NOT QUIT ! What if life has pulled a practical joke on you? What if the people around you are all bullies, demons, trying their best to put you down? Has the support structure you had believed in, collapsed suddenly, and you feel trapped? Or the person you loved wholeheartedly, hasn't  loved you back? Does the pain from the loss of a loved one seem unbearable? Do you feel cheated, hurt, destroyed? Do you feel that you have no self-respect left, no reason to carry on? Is the pressure of expectations weighing you down? Are you afraid that you won't be able to fulfill your dreams or the dreams of those you love? Have you tried again and again, just to fail every time? Whatever it may be, that is destroying you, giving up is never an option. What would it solve, by giving up? Will it solve the problem? No! Will it be a revenge on people who have hounded you and hurt you again and again? No way! If they cared about you, they wouldn't have bullied or cheated you on the fir...
Post a Comment
Read more

Trust

-
Today was beautiful. Today brought fulfillment, and the little things that matter. Today brought sunshine, laughter and happiness. Today I wished that I could freeze time forever, or could control it as I wanted. I wanted to freeze that lovely frame that portrayed the sunset. Yet that sunset was the reminder that I could not hold on to today. I'll have to give up these moments, for tomorrow to arrive. I'll have to give up what I have, to get what I deserve. Will that ever happen? Will tomorrow ever come? I'm unsure, but I'll still have to let go, and believe in my path forward. Tomorrow, I'll have to open myself up again, ready to be broken, believing that I'll be reborn! If that is not trust, then what is !?
Post a Comment
Read more

I wish to be reborn

-
I wish to be reborn in a world where dreams and progress are not stalled by backwardness disguised in different names. Where people encourage taking risks, encourage diversity. Where the world is more open to different thoughts. Where the pursuit of happiness is the sole objective, instead of few defined criteria of achieving so-called happiness. I want to be reborn in a world free of 'should be-s', into a world that embraces 'could be-s'. A world of adventures and discovery, a few heartbreaks and in exchange, groundbreaking discoveries. A world that doesn't just survive on a set formula, but encourages breaking the rules in search of something better. A world that doesn't just protect us, but a world that urges us to bring out the best in each one of us. I dream of changing the world myself, starting with the small world around me. But maybe I'm too weak and insignificant. If I can't, I wish to be reborn, only in a world that moves forward.
Post a Comment
Read more

The introvert

-
You won't find me in your evenings at the pub, or in small talk and chitchat. You won't find me dancing away my worries. You won't find me speaking out my frustration in drunk moments. But don't think I'm a loner. Don't think I don't like company. Don't think I avoid fun. You'll find my essence in your cellphone wallpapers, on meaningless mementos sitting at your desk, in hidden letters of encouragement. You'll find me in your status updates, in long messages, fights, break-ups and make up-s. You'll find me in your distant memories, in your long rides, in your profile photos, in your favorite playlists. That's how I love, and feel loved. That's how I live. That's how I interact. That's how I'm one with you.
Post a Comment
Read more

Sunshine

-
Her smile greets him like a silky sunshine. Not the shy glow of dusk or dawn that hesitates to express itself. Not the bright glow of the midday that forces to take notice. Her smile is like the bold sunshine that has broken through layers of cloud and rain. It is reminiscent of the darkness that gave way to that silky light. It reminds that the clouds could engulf the light any moment. It insists that it be protected carefully, lest the rain take it away again. Bathed in that soft glow, he considers himself extremely lucky. Lucky to have known her story, the storm that had preceded the glow. Lucky to be have been beside her when it rained. Lucky to be embraced in the sunshine in it's inimitable grace. And under the divine light, he makes a promise to protect the smile forever. He'll do whatever it takes to keep the clouds away. He'll take care of her, with the best of his ability. He'll not let the smile fade away. Her smile - the sunshine, and his love - the...
2 comments
Read more

Learn us all over again

-
One day, we'll meet again, on a hidden road that our dreams traverse everyday. One day, we'll realize that our destiny has always been the same. The artificial walls of 'reality' had obscured them for a while, but can anyone obstruct the eventuality? One day, you'll find me again, in a new light, and the pretentious shells of 'long known' will fall apart. We'll know each other, freshly, as we start walking on a new road together. At the end of that road, lies fulfillment; not of 'their' expectations, but of our dreams, ourselves. The goals that define us, finally will have a chance to be achieved. One day, we'll find the meaning of our journey. The restlessness, the failures, the setbacks and the surprises will all make sense. One day, my partner, I'll find the real you, and our true journey will begin.
Post a Comment
Read more

Can we make a wish?

-
No, we can't make our wishes for ourselves come true. The universe doesn't function in that way. But it's surprisingly responsive when you wish something for a loved one. Because, the bond of love interacts with the fabrics of space-time and creates a positive ripple that makes things happen. In a world where no one is only selfish, in a world where everyone tries to make a wish for few close ones, everyone's dreams could come true. Can we do that ?
Post a Comment
Read more

Dream of the prehistoric

-
As I was riding from office, I encountered a dark stretch of road. Coniferous trees rose up to my left, and behind them, faintly lighting up the dark sky, was the beautiful crescent moon! Immediately my memory rushed back to college days. We'd be returning home during vacations, a few of us, in a second-class sleeper coach. Sharing the side berths, we'd watch countless miles race past in the pitch darkness of the night. Hundreds of villages, shrouded in complete darkness, or sometimes faintly lit by the moonlight. Village after village - in Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh and Orissa - still and silent in the darkness, the dreaminess broken only by light from a small town or a factory somewhere. Sometimes, a Chilika Lake sparkling, shimmering as the moonlight bounced off it's dancing waves! How I used to wish that I could jump out of the train and spend the night in the midst of that darkness and silence! The moonlight would feel hypnotic, calling me away from the crowd and t...
Post a Comment
Read more

The fight

-
No memories remained of the drunken moments except for a mild pain in the weakest part of his fist. Pain from a hairline fracture caused when he had punched the wall hard. That pain reminded him how far he was from what he wanted to be. How helpless he was in front of all the wrongs he wanted to set right. He wanted to take away all their pain, their failures... he wanted to lead them to glory and happiness. But he was so weak ! The dreams burnt inside his heart even as he realized that he was no superhero. But that's what he wanted to become. Not so much for himself. But to avenge all wrongs on behalf of who he cared for. To set everything right. To go back in the past and mend it. Because 'happiness' was the only thing he believed in. - "Why do you always choose to hurt me instead of the others, even if they are more wrong?" -- "Because you're strong enough to carry on even after getting hurt." Yes, he was far from the one that he wanted t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Champagne

-
I am the champagne that was created to celebrate your victory. For years, I had wondered about the reason of my existence. From inside closed walls, i had seen my friends disappear one by one. I had heard the murmur, that I was special. I had been made for the champion. Finally it was my turn. I met you, the champion, as you stood on the podium. The stadium chanted your name. It was dream come true for me. You picked me up, twisted the cork off me. It seemed you wanted to listen to everything that I had eagerly waited to say for so long. As the cork flew off, words flowed like a fountain. It seemed you were happy. You bathed your rivals in the champagne. You took a sip of me. I wanted to please you with my smell, overcome your senses with my essence. I wanted to take your tiredness away. I wanted to tell you, that I had been created for you, and my life has been successful by celebrating your happiness. I wanted to be with you forever. But alas! That was not to be. You put me...
Post a Comment
Read more

Chasing the destiny

-
I know what I am, but I'm always in search of what I can be. I'm always chasing a dream. My procedures are crude and untested, but that's the fun of using them. I fail hundreds of time, get bruised, lose hope temporarily. But the dream never dies. Life is a journey after all, isn't it? And in a journey we can't avoid mishaps. I can't let the fear of failure stop me. I can't stay confined in my well or pond or lake, forever. I have to walk on. A lot of you will hate me for this. Others will feel confused. Yes, sometimes it hurts to be disliked. But at other times, that negativity gives me energy, tells me that I'll have to trudge forward. After all, it's much better to get lost in the dust as a diamond, rather than be perched on top of a palace forever as a stone tile!
Post a Comment
Read more

The difference

-
XY: She's like my only pair of jeans, the one I wear at work, the one I sleep in.. One I can't afford to lose. XX: He's a beautiful gem in my jewelry collection.. One among many, that I don't want to lose.
Post a Comment
Read more

Broken

-
She wanted him to be the 'real' he, the one she liked. The one that was always positive, brimming with energy. She said she didn't like the broken he. But she never realized that he was broken since long time back, much before he had met her. All his positiveness, smiles and charm were just for her, who had made him dream again. In that moment with her, he dreamed of becoming the person that lay broken inside his heart. That brief moment came like a dream in a dark night, unfortunately, and dissolved with the first rays of the morning sun.
Post a Comment
Read more