The Diary of Mufassa

XY: She's like my only pair of jeans, the one I wear at work, the one I sleep in.. One I can't afford to lose. XX: He's a beautiful gem in my jewelry collection.. One among many, that I don't want to lose.

She wanted him to be the 'real' he, the one she liked. The one that was always positive, brimming with energy. She said she didn't like the broken he. But she never realized that he was broken since long time back, much before he had met her. All his positiveness, smiles and charm were just for her, who had made him dream again. In that moment with her, he dreamed of becoming the person that lay broken inside his heart. That brief moment came like a dream in a dark night, unfortunately, and dissolved with the first rays of the morning sun.

She opens the gift wrap slowly, anticipation running through her heart. She holds it in her hands, disbelief in her eyes, registering the fact that it's a gift from YOU, to HER. Tears swell up in her eyes, as she looks at you, then at the gift, and then to you again. That precious moment, you know you have loved her well. You record that moment in your memory in extreme slow motion, to be played back again and again forever.

For him, it was the journey that mattered. For her, the destination. Even though they traveled hundreds of miles together, they never understood each other.

She: You push yourself too much. It's not good for you! He: Why shouldn't it be good? In that pain lies my escape...

Every time I feel out of place - and frankly I do so quite frequently - I remember that childhood dream that used to come back again and again. A flying 'object' on a relaxed, possibly sightseeing journey, accidentally gets pulled in by gravity of an unknown planet. Suddenly there is commotion as the pilot struggles to control the vehicle. It almost crashes - we dart towards the vast green expanse through silky clouds and mist - but the pilot just manages to prevent the collision. Possibly we land, or are thrown off the craft. I don't remember that part. But there are times I wish I could know for sure if that was just a dream, or something more real. Does a universe exist out there, where I am not so out of place? Where my dreams are real, and I am not stuck in a cycle of wishes that can't be fulfilled? Is there a way to run away? How to jump between universes?

A succulent was thriving on my friend's terrace. It's thick wax-coated leaves shone in the bright sunlight, the light green colour of youth standing out against the dull, rough soil and the broken pot that held it. Each thick leaf, and the sturdy stem reflected energy and joy. I fell in love with the plant. I asked my friend and brought it home. I kept it at my desk, where I spend most of my time. I kept looking at it every few moments. 'Hello, lovely plant, how are you doing today ?'  I tried to talk to it, as I poured water in the pot. Water, that had nutrients mixed in it. I gave my plant a name. But my care didn't seem to make my plant happy. The stem drooped. The leaves showed wrinkles. The energy, the spirit of life, seemed lost. Sad, and not sure what to do, I transferred it to the balcony. There, I'd not see it every moment. I felt bad. To have taken the trouble to bring it home, seemed to be useless. My love was hurt. I didn't ...

I'm like smoke. This moment I linger with you. See through my veil... I'll show you a dream - A beautiful world, that dances to the tune of life. You can touch me softly, see your dream realized through my waves. Blow me away when you're bored. You don't know me. Don't know the ashes I rose from. You can't keep me. There's wind in my sail. This moment, I'm with you. Next moment, I'll be gone.

Medicines are good. When used properly, they cure illnesses, and make us fit and fine. But medicines have an expiry date. They may stop working after that date. They may turn poisonous. The same medicine, that would have cured you once, could kill you now. It's the same with dreams. Dreams are beautiful. They give meaning to our lives. They make every moment worthy. They keep us happy and motivated. But dreams too, come with an expiry date. A date, when we should realize that the particular dream may not be worth pursuing, as it has become a mental baggage. Get rid of a dream when it starts becoming a hindrance to your happiness. Start a new dream. Dreams are meant to keep us happy, not to kill us from within... This realization comes on the back of something I told a friend a year back (which Facebook algorithms reminded me today). It was like: "'Dreams don't need to be successful. Sometimes they do, but they need not be every time. Because, dreams are ju...

Another sleepless night, as he clicked through images on Google. A sparkling beach.... A sunlit hill top... feathery clouds... Yes, he has always dreamed of a life like in a movie. A life, which would just be a holiday. He and his girl... endless joy, seeing the world hand in hand, and spreading happiness around. And whatever they touch, would burst into vibrant colours... Smiles all around. Yes, the past has been bad.. too dark. He'll never go back to his past... And he'll never let her go back too. The darkness - he has left that behind. Forgotten, forever. Now, was the moment of change. And from tomorrow, there will be happiness forever. Two lost children.. Showing light to the world ....

It came as a complete shock to him, and he reacted how anyone would react in that situation - fight back. It was his life, those were his plans - they couldn't just become meaningless all of a sudden! But the more he fought, the more he hurt himself. 'You can't fight against destiny,' a voice said, at the back of his head. Destiny! What's that? We decide the path of our lives. Yes, we ourselves, no one else! There is no such thing as 'predetermined'. Or was there? The history of humans have been bejeweled with great fighters - did they all achieve their dreams? Were all their fights meaningful? Haven't they all been forgotten one day - their achievements, egos, follies - didn't all become meaningless? Was the fight worth it? And then he decided to stop caring. If everything was either destiny, or had the same end - into oblivion - what was the use of building temporary sand castles ? Immediately, life transformed around him. There was no sh...

The day started with the bad news of the death of a mountaineer on her way to Mt. Everest. It's not that I'm an avid follower of mountaineering. I even take death in a matter of fact way. But the picture that accompanied the article, shook me somewhat. The picture showed her in a happy moment with her husband. They looked so wonderful together... they shared the same passion... they seemed to be the 'made for each other' couple that all of us want to be. They had almost reached the summit.. and then suddenly, she was no more! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Why do you do this to people?' I asked God. 'Why do you break dreams, destroy love stories? Aren't you supposed to protect them? Why do you support destruction ?' 'Did you really ask me that question?' replied God, and He seemed a little amused. 'You are a programmer, you should have known the answer!' 'Programmer......

We're on a holiday, sitting outside our tent in the middle of nothing - far form the city and the urban rush. The darkness of the night is flooded by the soft, loving light of the full moon. A soothing breeze is blowing through the trees, and the rustle of the leaves is the only sound breaking the silence. I'm sitting beside her - the partner of my dreams - my dream come true. I'm thinking about her, and the struggles I went through to find her, and the happiness when she finally accepted me. Is she thinking about me too? Reluctant to break the silence and the darkness, only our fingers do the talking. Her touch sends a chill through my body. I want to wrap her in my arms and kiss her. But she breaks the silence. 'Tomorrow we're going back, you remeber? Our project is waiting for us.' Yes, tomorrow we'll have to go back. So many people depend on us, on the power of our dreams. Their happiness is our happiness - how can we stay away from the duties? I...

She's out there somewhere, as desperately searching for me as I'm searching for her. Maybe she's far away, maybe our paths have crossed. Maybe we even know each other... But we don't know yet, how destiny has planned our union... One day, when the moment is right, we'll talk. The distance and the wall of unfamiliarity will be shattered. We'll be so close that we'll be talking soul-to-soul... On that wonderful day, every struggle will finally make sense. Every wrong turn, every rejection, every devastation will become meaningful. And we'll dedicate our lives to live up to that promise forever...

The Christmas sun was setting at the Surathkal Beach. A pleasant breeze was blowing in from the sea. Seagulls were busily finishing their dinner - fishing out the numerous shells and tiny crabs that the waves brought to the shore. Silhouettes of birds flew across the red disc, which was fast dipping into a smoky cloud in the distance. The reddish glow in the sky would soon subdue into a faint glow, before fading out altogether. The beach was almost deserted, throughout it's length of a couple of kilometres, except for a couple or two from the nearby college. Most of the students had gone home for the Year End holidays. Only those who were from distant parts of the country, had stayed back. The local children, done with their evening play with the waves, had gone back home. I looked at her. She was sitting still, silently staring into the distance, with her unruly hair fluttering in the breeze. She tossed her hair back time to time, as it fell on her face. What was she thinking? ...

"I don't believe you," says the heart. "All you see is negative. Come on, can't you be optimistic once more?" "You're wrong there, pal," replies the head. "I'm not optimistic or pessimistic, i see neither half-empty, nor half full. I simply measure the depth."  - And what does it tell you?   -- There are obvious gaps in the matrix. What you believe in, has logical flaws. What you are optimistic about, can't be true, as I deduce from the information available. I can see a tiny mismatch in the pattern.  - But you're seeing the image of just this moment. The pattern may change.   -- Yes, but it may change your way, it may go against you. Why are you biased ?  - I don't want to be, Big Brother. It's just that being optimistic makes my rhythm more pleasant!   -- So you'll take the risk of getting broke in future, just to be happy now?  - Who can predict the future, Big Brother? You just said that you cannot....

I have spoken to you in moments of despair, and you have guided me. I have wished for trifles, for fleeting moments of happiness, and you've made that happen. Numerous times. I have cried to you in those sad moments, and you've always brought me a reason to smile. But when the big moments go wrong, and all lights of hope seem shut off, it's still easy to lose hope. Trust becomes unaffordable. Against my wishes, I'm losing hope again. Worse still, I'm losing trust. Show me a way. Don't have me give up on you.

Anywhere I go, I know I'll always find you when I need someone to talk to. That's why you've been my best friend. "What a wonderful relation we had, why did you have to destroy that ?" Yes, it was my fault. I tried to mould our relationship into something 'permanent'. How would I have known, the word 'permanent' had lost it's relevance! And permanence doesn't need a usual, time-tested mould to manifest itself. I'm happy that you're still there. You never went away. That's what most of them do. They leave. But whatever happens, I know I'll be able to come back to you. And you'll listen to me. Thanks my nameless best friend! And cheers to an unorthodox happy life!

The prince is down, but kings at heart are destined to rise. He'll rise again. It's just a matter of time - days, months, years. You've come to his side when the going's not good. You have embraced the darkness with him, knowing that he could be bad at such times. But it didn't dissuade you. "I want to see how bad you can be." Kings don't forget an act of kindness. Kings don't forget bravery.